Holy Crap! Where have we been???

Wha? Where am I?

I remember my last detention that I had to supervise before the holiday break, watching films about turkey and god knows what. Then I took a swallow from my Nalgene water bottle... and then... and then.........

Whoah! You little creeps must have slipped me something ... and I missed Valentine's Day!! So much for showing the film about unrequited love. For that, you're getting more HYGIENE! Take some tips from these useless kids who are, well, now they're your grandparents now. But they sure knew how to play stick ball!

HEY! I see you two back there trying to neck and pet and give each other all kinds of diseases! I'm turning on the lights, and I guess I'm gonna have to break out the films on ....

SEXUAL EDUCATION!

Stop that giggling! You might as well know now rather than from your friends through the Twitter and the Tumblr and ... What? You already know? Well, it doesn't hurt for some review.

Before I break out the hard stuff showing nasty bumps on private parts, I'll start you off with a simple way to avoid it all together - don't touch anything or anyone for the rest of your life!! In this 1949 classic, a young Seth MacFarlane goes to a fair of high teenagers to go on a date with Rosie the Riveter and tries so hard not to touch anything!

Now pay attention and keep your hands where I can see them.

Well, only one day back in school from Thanksgiving, and now your back in detention! Well, fine. I get paid either way.

I was thinking about going easy on you by showing you a nice, entertaining film but.... I think I'll subject you to watching MORE FOOD! And it's from the 50's so be prepared for an onslaught of BUTTER, WHOLE MILK, and WHITE BREAD!! Those pansies at Food Network can learn a thing or two about making something nutritious and delicious without a bunch of quinoa and tofu.

Bon appetit!

All right Detentionites! In lieu of the holiday tomorrow, you still have today to watch an EDUCATIONAL film! So, I'm being nice and showing you something of use and value to take home back to your families - an old commercial film about how to cook a turkey - by the same people who make hot dogs!!

Eat it! And enjoy. And.... happy Thanksgiving as well.


BE THANKFUL, you ungrateful ingrates!


https://archive.org/details/lets_talk_turkey

Detention Starts NOW!

All right, you juvenile delinquents! Apparently you were caught being a horrible student, causing all kinds of disruptions, passing notes, making out in the back of the room ... whatever it is, you're in trouble and now in DETENTION!!

And because of that, you are going to be forced to sit here and watch a cheesy yet educational public domain video while I play Candy Crush Saga on your confiscated phone! Ha!

Your first film is courtesy of Coronet Instructional Films from the Prelinger Archives, and it's about how to be polite and be an actual human being and not being a douche bag like Bad Boy Bill! Don't be THAT guy!

WATCH IT AND LEARN!!!!